Accompaniment: a real (and rare) gift
Accompaniment—the gift of being genuinely present—may be the greatest gift we can give another.
Straightforward, yet a bit challenging to do, it is one of those ‘simplicities on the other side of complexity.’
It’s a skill that we can grow in—to offer others, and to seek for ourselves.
Why is accompaniment a real (and rare) gift?
It is strange how challenging it can be to genuinely see ourselves without the mirroring from others, to hear ourselves without the listening of others.
We need one another in our becoming.
And yet, the quality of the mirroring and the listening matters.
When distortions and noise get in the way, it can be that much harder to actually see ourselves, that much harder to hear ourselves.
A clean mirror and clear sounding board are important, but can be hard to find, and hard to give.
It is also strange how challenging it can be as a listener to let go of trying to be helpful.
We can end up putting out distortions and noise in the forms of our own projections, reactions, sharing well-meaning advice, opinions, and our own experiences.
Through trying to be helpful, we end up getting in the way.
‘How to Know a Person’
Last fall when David Brooks’ book ‘How to Know a Person’ came out, five people forwarded it my way. I loved that. I felt seen and heard. It’s a really well done body of work. It’s also a humbling read.
I appreciated David’s previously uncharacteristic (by his own admission) humility in the book and in this short interview. Through his research and his own growth he points out how this kind of presence is a skill we can learn, grow, and deepen in.
I’m learning, layer by layer, mistake by mistake. This kind of presence with and for one another does take practice, and yet: it is ecstatic to experience and witness what happens for people when they receive it.
As I write this I can’t help but feel washed over with gratitude, reflecting on the many people who—through the gifts of their presence—have become woven into the very fabric of my being.
We need one another in this ongoing journey of our becoming—individually and collectively. We do, we do.
Accompaniment is a true gift.
One that, with a little practice, can be far less rare.
